Merry Christmas

I celebrate Xmas. Not because I believe Jesus was born in a barn to a virgin mother. I do it for my family. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I did it for the presents.

I'm not sensitive to what you celebrate.

No, that's false.

I just don't care. Because frankly, it's none of my business.

This year I learned that if you don't pay attention to the constant barrage of Christmas related advertising and hype, you actually manage to avoid it.

Christmas music adds a certain flair and charm to a party, but should be mixed in with normal music as well.

Adult Christmas parties are fun. There's plenty of free food. Oh, and plenty of free booze. Ugly sweaters adorn the chest of most party goers, and this ads to the ambiance of the party, and the season. Don't be a Grinch, wear you're ugly sweater.

After years of incompetence, I finally learned how to wrap a gift in a semi-presentable manner.

While I was doing my early Christmas shopping, on December 23rd, I accidentally cut off a lady while driving. I didn't mean to, and it really was an honest mistake. You see, I thought everyone had a stop sign. It wasn't the case. She shouted. She shouted loudly. I couldn't hear a word she was saying because she had her windows rolled up. Somewhere there is a man who is extremely happy he left this woman. Merry Christmas to you.

It's actually quite a joy to have your shopping done before December 24th. Instead of jumping into the rat race that is the day before Christmas, I had time to ponder if bench players in the NBA shower after games? And is there such a thing as a red headed Asian?

I received some sweet gifts from my family. Most memorable are definitely the shoes my sister got me. Fit for a pimp I tell you. She bought them at what she calls the "Black Market". Evidently this is a place where "black people set up a fat warehouse. Most of the shit is stolen. But it's sweet, you can get anything you want!"

I hope that all of you out there enjoy your Holiday season.

And please remember, don't feed the homeless.